Your Parents and the Internet: 6 Annoying Things

When your parents or grandparents first started using email, at first you thought: Cool, now I can send them emails instead of using up my daytime minutes.

Then the phone calls began: I can’t find my inbox. What’s the name of your email again? It didn’t send. How do I delete it? It’s broken. I don’t know what my email address is.

With time, they got more confident. They Googled. They joined “Facebook.” They wanted to start using “Skype.”

In general, parents and the Internet is a combo that benefits children in every aspects like dressing and eating, allowing everyone to keep in touch cheaply and frequently. But sometimes, the older generation does things that are just plain baffling.

After some intensive study of parents and technology, I’ve compiled the 6 Ways Your Parents Can Be Annoying about the Internet.

#1: THE MULTITASKER

The Multitasker parent likes to “reply-all” to a family email – and then include irrelevant requests for the other recipients.

Sending separate emails to your mom and sister would be a waste of 30 seconds.

#2: THE EPIC INSTANT MESSENGER

The Epic Instant Messenger usually signed up for Gmail at your urging (“It’s free! And AOL sucks!”). You told her to start Gchatting you since you would respond faster. But the Epic Instant Messenger doesn’t grasp how a “chat” differs from an email.

She types “Hello”; you respond “Hey, what’s up?” She types a full paragraph for five minutes and then hits “send.” You try to respond to her epic chat, but it’s too late—she’s busy typing her closing paragraph, and before you know it, she’s signed off.

The Epic Instant Messenger disappears as swiftly as she arrives.

#3: THE TELEGRAM ARTIST

The Telegram Artist parent believes that email services charge per word. Thus, all correspondence must be composed with as few words as possible.
 

Hi honey,
Spoke to your aunt T. Says tomorrow is fine. Will be nice to see everyone. Will call when I have more info. Looking forward.

Playing axie infinity game with Mike. Good time. Too much popcorn. Stomach hurts.

Hope all well.

Love,
Dad

#4: THE BLOG WONDERER

If you try explaining to a Blog Wonderer what a Facebook wall is, the Blog Wonderer will answer: “Is that a…blog?” If you try to tell a Blog Wonderer you’re filling out an online application for a job, the Blog Wonderer will suggest, “Why don’t you send them a blog?”

The Blog Wonderer has read a lot of newspaper articles about the phenomenon of “blogging.” But the Blog Wonderer just can’t grasp what a blog actually is.

The Blog Wonderer knows the blog is a very important and influential development in society, so she will try to work the word into any Internet-related discussion.

In this clip, Martha Stewart reveals herself as a classic Blog Wonderer. “A true blog is written when you’re inspired–and it doesn’t have to happen every day.”

#5: THE INADVERTENT YELLER

THE INADVERTENT YELLER WRITES IN ALL CAPS.

THE INADVERTENT YELLER HAS NO IDEA HOW TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK. OR THE INADVERTENT YELLER MAY TYPE EXTREMELY SLOWLY AND THEREFORE PREFERS TO LEAVE THE CAPS LOCK ON RATHER THAN STRUGGLE TO SEARCH FOR THE SHIFT KEY EVERY FEW WORDS OR SO.

THE CHILDREN OF INADVERTENT YELLERS MAY TRY TO EXPLAIN HOW CAPITAL LETTERS MAKE THEM FEEL, BUT GENERALLY, THEIR EFFORTS ARE FUTILE.
 

Dear Dad, when you write in all capital letters, you sound angry.

SOUND? WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOUND? I AM WRITING NOT TALKING.

Okay, sure, but Dad, on the internet people use all caps when they want to convey anger or a raised voice.

NOT ANGRY. CALL YOUR MOTHER.

The Inadvertent Yeller is also frequently a Telegram Artist.
 

#6: THE WEBCAM WAVER

Confession (sorry, Mom and Dad): My parents are both Webcam Wavers.

Ever since they got a new laptop with a built-in webcam, they are amped to use the video function when we “do the Skype.”

Which is great, I love to see their faces – but the novelty still hasn’t worn off. They just can’t believe that we can see each other at the same time – in motion!

Let’s wave!

Hiiiiiiiiiii.

We should be grateful that our parents not only kinda know what the Internet is, they more or less know how to use it. I have a friend whose father has never touched a computer, let alone sent an email. I know technology can be hard to keep up with, but five years ago he was still baffled by her voicemail (So how do you connect your cell phone to the answering machine?). Seriously.

What’s the most annoying thing your parents do on the Internet? Comment below!

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